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As a partner, it is decidedly not your place to psychoanalyze your boyfriend, or even point out these uncomfortable things. The kitchen is where the women gather and the easiest way to get plugged in and to belong is to integrate yourself with them.
It is however important to be there and support him, whether that be helping him laugh when he is annoyed because the older generation gives you both a dirty look or to help him find the words to explain to his parents that y’all aren’t going to have a dozen children or help him find the courage to do something he desperately wants but will disappoint his family. You can ask to help with the food prep but that requires instructions and supervision.
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People say awkward things without realizing they’re poking at uncomfortable racial concepts...a tame example is “you make pretty mixed babies, they’re so exotic,” (my kids are not a flavor of ice cream, nor are they foreign or a trinket, “exotic” means what exactly? I had to explain to one person that “war baby” was incredibly insulting and “halfbreed” is indescribably rude and vastly inappropriate (but at least it is a step up from “inbred redneck asshole” or “Neanderthal” which is clearly the type of person I was talking to) It took years before my husband could tell me he joined the navy and married me in an effort to distance himself from his family and culture. And then it took us living away from his family for him to admit to himself that he missed his family and missed all the things he was “running away from.” You can’t outrun yourself.Rates of underage marriage are high in southern, rural states with a high prevalence of poverty and religious conservatism, as well as among Orthodox Jews, Muslims, Mormons, Sikhs, and Hmong people fr…